Adult themes... Not that bad, but now you're warned....
I’m so sick of sex I could vomit…. I don’t want to be, but come-on already…
No not personally, as I am quite fond of it for myself, but I’m sick of everyone else’s and their insistence that everyone should give a crap about it… I flirt, it’s fun and it amuses me, I will until I'm dead because like Smurfs, I like fun-stuff, but that’s for fun kids... The sexuality-obsessed however seem to usually use it as a replacement for wit, or cleverness, and even more so as some sort of ‘declaration of non-lameness’, unwittingly making themselves infinitely more lame in-the-process…
There was a quote I’ve loved since I was a kid from “Sid and Nancy” (a movie about stuff and junk): “Sex is boring ugly hippie shit” so very true in a way, I mean it’s exciting for the people (or person, or sheep in my case) *when their doing it sure, but really, when even an attractive girl tells me about her sex life in detail, though I may act like it’s great, I really cannot help but wonder why it is I’m supposed to care… In fact I’m actually wondering how incredibly dull a person must be that in a world filled with trillions of subjects and unlimited possibility, they cannot get beyond a subject for which there really is nothing new to say since Caligula’s reign ended…
Indeed let me break this to you: sex is not edgy, it is not ‘verbotten’ it is not ‘taboo’, it’s not ‘forbidden fruit’… It’s what monkeys and Abe Vigoda do to kill a few minutes when their hormones kick-in… This is why it’s only a fun subject when you throw in a gerbil or a dolphin, or The Elephant Man’s skeleton; because even at its hottest, even at its wackiest, even at it most adventurous and wild, it’s boring and it’s simple, and only interesting in the most... uninteresting of ways…
I tell you this because you need to know, because everyone puts-up the front that it’s great, when actually thinking “wow… I’m really supposed to *actually* care ....aren’t I?”
With ‘MILF’s and ‘Cougars’ being a hot new trend (new as in about ten years now), it has in fact reached a new level of yawn… I work with several of these people, and socialize with them as well, what is sadder than what they are in-general is that they think they are 'youngified’ by turning whoreish at forty-five years old… They think they have opened their minds, they think they have reached some new level of open-mindedness when in-fact all they’ve really managed to do is make sex a little more gross for the rest of us…Even the sexy ones, who are usually a lot more sexy before they “reawakened”, when they were more interested in other things,
...because when they were like that they were more interesting, and interesting my friends, is sexy as all-hell…
You have a limited window in life in which you can establish a genuine credibility as a rebel and/or 'naughty'. If you had a kid at fifteen, then another at eighteen, raised them to their teens, and then decided to go back and pickup where you left off, then:
1.) You are not alone, in fact you’re a drop in the chum bucket
2.) You cannot do it ...no matter what you might *think* you have done…
Accepting this will in-fact make you sexier as you can work with what you *do* have, rather than what you think you have… Age can be sexy, age is kinda sexy to me....but denial of age is NEVER sexy...
...Now you can say I’m ‘not a man’... you can say ‘I’m crazy’ ....you can say ‘you’ve done one too many lines, and that goat has been dead for fifteen minutes’... god knows you wouldn't be the first... But right now their is a little stirring in your belly that is either that Spam and Peanut Butter sandwhich coming back to haunt you, or is that little part of you that knows I am telling the truth...
Viagra and, as the always insightful Dennis Miller calls them, ‘boner pills’ have taken what little was left of cool in sex and beat it silly, yes I guess there was a pun there, sorry… Now what we have is a bunch of women who were supposed to be getting old like good grandmothers out prowling for young men to score with that they should be baking cookies for, and those young men able to simply pop a “Love Tic-Tac” as I call them, and get a woody whether he actually thinks the ‘sexy senior’ is good looking or attractive in any way or not…
In this the once thrilling act of random sexual intercourse gets converted into an affront to evolution, a Freudian nightrmare whos meaning doesn't much transcend the act of a woman trying to be unattainably young, and a boy who is, in the recesses of his mind, simply trying to please his mommy...
And though it may feel good for them for one –to-ten minutes of heaven, it does nothing at all for me to hear about it over my stuffed hash browns and eggs after a night of frolic… In fact, if I think about it for a moment, and god-forbid, picture it, they will become *your* stuffed hash browns and eggs, if you know what I mean…
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1 comments:
*tee hee* I'd have to agree. People leave NOTHING to the imagination nowadays. It used to be that grandpas told us about WWII or Vietnam. Now they're taking boner pills to try and nail some young skank look-a-like of the chick they dated in high school. And as for grandma...I'm not eating anything you've baked until I know you've washed your hands. Gross fact: People in nursing homes are getting VD. ew
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